So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
