just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
