We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
