He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize