Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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