3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Randomize
