Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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