Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize
