I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
