she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
