No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
its liver damage thursday
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
