hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
