I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
