He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize