I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
