got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
