I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Can Purell be used as lube?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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