Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
