I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
are you so shy because you have an std?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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