his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
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