Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
