Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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