ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
