My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Randomize
