If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
