you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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