I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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