I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
