Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
he was CRYING into my vagina
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
