dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
