Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
tell your sister to shave her snatch
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
