You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
