i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
