Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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