i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
