her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
