ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
