I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
