I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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