We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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