You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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