If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
