i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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