Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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