remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Little spoons don't ask big questions
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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