I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
