I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
