Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
