wrigley field is MILF paradise
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
