Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
