What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
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