Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
As shirtless as possible
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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