take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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