if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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