how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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