Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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