meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize