I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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