Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
