make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
