normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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