she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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