Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
