I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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