My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
