who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
