Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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