I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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