You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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