i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
