and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
